Lit by Lucy Benton (My Real Name) 11th August 2013
May this candle be her eternal flame, more than just a day candle. I was really touched and moved. Let the light shine through the rain as a final ray an eternal day for Rachel.
She will be in my thoughts as the girl I never knew from now on.
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I do not expect any return this is not why I wrote these words. I am not a believer in anything pagan or biblical, I do not follow Jesus Christ and never will, his birth at best was an accident of fate caused by a suffering future. I believe in God and I believe in Love and I believe in Myself & My family and friends of which I have few when they finally get into gear and act as one. Until that day I stand alone with love and always will. The light shines out its love but it does not come back so in the end there is no light for the eternal source has gone out. My light went out, I have been very angry with the world of late and the people in it. If people cannot see through bad timing a truth about me, that is not my problem it is there's. I have more than a good reason to want the world to be hurt for what it has done to me. I was the eternal flame. From another point of view I still am for I shine in the light when lit and the dark when I go out. So eternal I am. I am only human, I can make mistakes to yet I am blameless. Under a mountain of pressure love can go wrong
when the pressure has been there too long. Now my love is waning but Rachel now means something to me on my journey, perhaps she was the string I was trying to play, the note I could not find. I found the note and the string, it is my benchmark now for further inspiration. Now I can play when I am alone on special occasions and think of the note I found. I found it sometime back you might want to know but now I write this for you all. The electrics in my brain went funny in August of 2008. My nickname is Blondie to some and ALICE to others I am the one who is many. I am Joanna, Josephine and a Baby Jane, I am Lucy and the last Madonna, I am black and I am blue yet the silver still shines through splitting the blue from black. I am the trinity and the triangle and the turning point in meaning, I am knowledge and power and authority yet I am abused by its people. I am hope and I am suffering and I suffer others to for the triangle was broken by hope, it was broken by me. To accept a truth is to feel the meaning of these words if you cannot see the love and inspiration behind them then I will suffer eternally in the peoples ignorance of me. Yet they will suffer the same and worse for causing me to be this way forever.
James was the rainbow in the rain, Lucy was the sunshine before the rain came, yet in the middle there was still color a prism of thought. Do, or do not there is no try. James is the atom of strength that will always be a part of me. My brain changed through neuroplasty and it was very painful over 23 years or more I was born with a hermaphrodite quality which re-writes the dictionary definition of the word.